Metal Gear is Absolutely Fabulous, Darling!
by Stefanie4
Summary: My second fic, a mix between Meatl Gear and Absolutely Fabulous, please review.


This is a fiction of Metal Gear mixed with Absolutely Fabulous, I think it's on American tv as well, BBC America or something, so most people should know it. The idea came to me when I noticed how much Snake was like Patsy. The other characters will be in it later if you like it.

Any suggestions, comments or anything would be great, so please review!

I don't own any character here.

*Snake wakes up at 11pm to find himself slumped in a strange house.*

Snake: Ughhh, what did I do last night?

Blonde woman: Don't you mean last week? Sorry I'd used far too much- or not enough, to notice you lying there... Until last night... *Has wonky smile on her face.*

Snake: *Feels all his bruises, from being walked on and presumably - from looking at the state of that woman, fallen over.* Who the hell are you?!

Patsy: I'm Patsy sweetie, *Does drunken perverted smile.* but you can call me- the best you've ever had, know what I mean? *Smirks and rubs herself up against Snake.*

Snake: Argggh! I didn't?

Patsy: *Sadly* Well let's just say I found out it's impossible to rape a man...

Snake: Phew! Oh my head!

Patsy: *Produces a bottle.* Well you know what they say- The hair of the dog that bit you...

Snake: Great, I don't know who you are but let's get wasted!... Again.

Patsy: *Takes a swig from the bottle that lasts ages.* Did I say it was for you - bitch?!

Snake: Er well I guess-

Patsy: -Then piss off!

Voice from upstairs: Darling, sweetie, who's that you've got downstairs?

Patsy: Dunno, but he's a stud muffin, Eddie darling! And I'm hoping to get myself a piece of that muffin! *Laughs drunkenly* Too bad about last night, happens to the best of us you know...

Snake: *Under his breath.* Yeah when it's without consent... *Calls Otacon on codec.* Help me Otacon, I'm stuck in some house with a cradle snatching, sex mad, drunken freak!

Otacon- on other end: Who? Yourself? *Laughs at own joke until he sees Snake's frown.* Sorry Uh, Ok I'm coming!

Pasty: Catches the end of what Otacon said.* Coming? Have you been a naughty boy? I love naughty boys... Want to get really naughty? *Randily lunges at Snake...*

Eddie: Oh a visitor! *Pulls Patsy off Snake and flaps around like a drunken chicken.* Everything's hidden?

Patsy: Uh?

Eddie: The, you know, stuff? *Wipes off some white power from the table.*

Patsy: Huh?

Eddie: *Screams and flaps her arms at Patsy.* THE COCAINE PATSY, THE COCAINE! *Gasps.* I mean umm... SHUT UP!

Patsy: *Sniffs* Now it's hidden...

Snake: *Sneakily...* What can you give me to keep this quiet?

Patsy: An arse kicking! Get over here - Mate!

Edina: All the bloody vacant, Mick Jagger sucking models do it! All of them! In all the mags! English Vogue, American Vogue, French Vogue, bloody Aby-bloody-ssinian bloody Vogue, darling!! Why are they allowed? I'm a good clean living person! *Patsy leans on her French designer table... Edina picks up a chair and smashes it on Patsy's head.*

Patsy: Ow darling!

Edina: Don't worry, Saffie got it from Ikea...*Pulls face to show utter disgust.*

*Patsy kicks Snake's arse from here to China.*

Snake: Urgh, the first time I've been beaten, the humiliation!

Patsy: Want some more huh? *Smacks Snake across the room.*

Snake: Wait stop! Noo, Ow! That's my... Not the bandanna!

Eddie: Watch out! That's my Frank Weinenburg table, STOP IT! Make your peace, huh darling? Pleaseeeee? *Kneels and holds hands together.*

Patsy: *Growls in anger.* Ok, *Spits the word "Here" and pulls back curtain with a pained expression on her face, to reveal a load of wine and vodka.*

Snake: Jackpot!

Edina: Do they have a damned Buddha statue on their table! Do they pray for world peace, do they fix anything, do they!?

Patsy: Darling, you prayed for clothes that fit you!

*Snake laughs out loud.*

Patsy: And what are you here as then? Mullets are so out they don't even know where the door is to get back in!

Snake: A minute ago you were gagging for a piece of me!

Edina: Low values, darling...

Patsy: *Nods in agreement.*

Snake: Hey! *Light shines though a window onto a box.* My love! *Runs to box and pulls it over him.*

Patsy: Very low values. Did I mention how low my morals are? 

Snake: As low as Pavarotti's breasts?

Patsy: *Drinks more and falls over a bottle of vodka.* Well getting pissed is easier when you're on the floor... 

Snake: Amen!

Patsy: You, what did you say your name was?

Snake: Solid. Snake.

Patsy: Really? *Smirks.* 

Snake: *Smirks.*

Patsy and Snake: The Snake's very Solid...

Snake: You scare me but you're not so bad... Let's get wasted.

Patsy: Alright!

*Snake gets drunk, and his standards are lowered considerably, Patsy gets paralytic.*

Snake: Wanna come inside my box with me and...

Patsy: Do a little *Thrusts hips.* Uh Uh?

Snake: *Thrusts hips.* Let's get started sexy mamma...

Patsy: *Passes out.*

Snake: Oh well, more drink for me... *passes out.*

Eddie: Two peas in a pod...


End file.
